Some Things Can't be Undone
by Dr. Sexy M.D
Summary: What does Sam think about what Cass did in "Goodbye Stranger" This is my way of working through my own issues with the episode. SEASON 8 SPOILER ALERT! No Cass bashing intended.


AN: I felt compelled to write this after watching Wednesday's episode. I needed to work through a few things in my head so I thought I'd write it down...I hope you guys like it.

Disclaimers: Season 8 Spoiler! Also, no Cass bashing is intended...and I apologize for anything that I might've just assumed at the end of the episode. I hope I didn't make any mistakes along the way. Normally when I write about an episode I've watched it many times and know every detail of the episode. I've only seen this one once.

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centerSome Things Can't be Undone/center

Sam knew what it meant. When Dean turned the radio on, it meant that he was done with the heart to heart. He didn't want to talk anymore. The problem was that there were still a few things on Sam's mind, a few things that he wanted to get off his chest.

They drove back to their new home, both needing showers and memory foam. It was amazing to Sam how quickly they'd gotten used to having a place of their own. They had both taken to the place and it had proven to be just what they needed. Sam could do the research that he loved and Dean could have a real home and a kitchen to cook in. Sam loved that Dean was nesting. In fact, Sam had seen great progress in Dean since they'd found out about their Winchester heritage.

A lot of things were much improved in the last couple months. For starters, Sam had grown to appreciate his brother a bit more. Secondly, Dean had a place to hang his hat, a place where he felt safe and comfortable. He had even started to show his softer side more and more frequently. And, most importantly, the relationship that had been so strained for so long was even back on much better footing. They had even begun to rekindle the old flame.

Things were going fairly well, except for the trials that were wearing on Sam in ways that neither of them could really understand at that point and the fact that Castiel was out there somewhere and neither of them had known where he was.

That had all changed on this case, however. They'd found him. They'd also discovered that he'd been lying to them about what he was actually doing. Apparently, along with the demon tablet that could close the doors of hell permanently, there was also an angel tablet that could close Heaven off as well. All of this had come as a big surprise to them.

For some reason, Dean seemed to be able to write the whole thing off as Castiel being manipulated since Purgatory. Naomi had been controlling him and making him do and say certain things. Apparently that was enough for Dean to forgive and forget.

But, it wasn't quite so easy for Sam.

Sam knew that Dean had been alone with Cass when he'd tried to take the tablet. He also knew that Dean hadn't really escaped as unscathed as he may have led him to believe.

Dean had opened up to him in the car, which was kind of a miracle, but he was still being a little unclear about what exactly happened in there.

"Dean." Sam said softly, as they arrived back at the Men of Letters Headquarters. "Did anything else happen that you haven't told me about?"

Dean looked at Sam. What exactly was his brother fishing for? "I told you what happened, Sam."

"You gave me the thumbnails version, but something tells me that you've left out a few details."

Dean shook his head, "I told you everything important."

Sam placed his finger on Dean's neck. His brother had had a tiny little scar there, but now it was gone. It had been virtually unnoticeable to the untrained eye, but Sam had taken it upon himself to memorize every detail of Dean's beautiful body, so it was obvious to him. "It looks like your scar is gone."

Dean's hand covered his neck, pulling himself out of Sam's grasp. He swallowed hard.

"Did he heal you, Dean?" Sam asked softly.

Dean sighed. "He might've."

"I thought we were done with the lies, Dean."

"You're right." Dean replied. "He beat the holy hell out of me, Sam. I was bloody and my eye was swollen shut…"

Sam gasped, "That was before he almost killed you?"

"But, he didn't. Something happened and he just stopped…I guess he fought back against the mind control." Dean's green eyes sought Sam's hazel ones, "It doesn't matter what happened, it wasn't him."

"You always do that, Dean." Sam was angry. Actually, angry wasn't a strong enough word. "You always say stuff like that. You are not a punching bag, Dean." Sam couldn't stop himself from touching Dean's face. "He should never have done that."

"He knows that, obviously. That's why he healed me. He didn't mean to do it and he didn't want to hurt me."

"How do you know that?"

"Because he was being mind controlled. It's no different than being possessed. Besides, you and I have hurt each other before."

"He's an angel, Dean. He's a hell of a lot stronger than you."

Dean swallowed, "So was Lucifer…and I certainly didn't blame you for him wailing on me."

Sam shook his head, "Every time either of us has hurt the other we've had to deal with our shit. We've spent years working through our own drama, trying to make shit up to each other. It's not that simple. We don't just hurt each other and then throw a tarp over it…we can't undo the things we've done to hurt each other. All we could ever do was deal with it."

"Did you want him to leave my face like that, Sam? Do you wish you were looking at a bloody swollen mess where my face used to be?"

Sam shook his head, "God no. I just…I wish it wasn't that easy. I wish he couldn't hurt one of us and then just fix it all the time. He becomes God and let's all the leviathans out of Purgatory, but he helped us put them back in…so we forgive him. He tore down the wall in my head…which I wouldn't have needed if he hadn't brought me back soulless in the first place…and he just takes the crazy away from me and all is forgiven and forgotten. Then he beats the hell out of you and just heals you. It just doesn't work that way. People have to deal with their mistakes." Sam ran his hand over his face, "I let Lucifer out of his cage and I had to put him back in…me. I had to fix my own mistakes. And I spent a year and a half in hell trying to fix that mistake too."

"You don't think he's tried to fix his mistakes?" Dean asked.

"I think it's too little, too late." Sam sat down. "I want to believe that he's on our side, Dean. I want him to be an ally for us, but look at all he's done."

Dean moved to Sam, sitting down beside him at their table with the world map on it. "Sam, look, I know you're pissed at him right now and I'm not exactly looking to send him a fruit basket or anything, but he very easily could've killed me and he didn't. He stopped himself. That has to count for something."

Sam nodded, "It does. I just…I hate to think about you being hurt. I know I've hurt you a thousand times, but you're my brother…I just…"

"You want to be the only one who gets to hurt me?" Dean actually smiled.

Sam cracked one back. "It's stupid, isn't it? This whole thing is stupid."

"No, it's not stupid. I love that you want to protect me, Sammy, it makes me feel good to know you have my back. I just…I don't want to dwell on this. I just want to find the rest of the hell tablet and get this angel one back and do what we have to do. Then we can focus on just being people…and having real lives…if we live through the whole thing."

Sam smiled, "I like the idea of just being people. Two point five kids and a dog…"

Dean smirked, "Of course you'd love that Sam, it's what you've always wanted."

Sam moved closer, "Yeah, I do. But, I want it with you, Dean. I want to have a regular, apple pie life…with you."

Dean shook his head as he slid closer to Sam's lips. "You sure you'll still be saying that when this is all over?"

Sam's arms tightened around Dean's frame, "Absolutely. We're putting the pieces back together, Dean. We're stronger than we've ever been. There's nothing I could ever want more than you. I haven't always been good at showing it, but I've always felt it."

Dean pressed his lips to Sam's. Against his lips he whispered, "Right back at ya, Sammy."


End file.
